am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
