Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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