he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize