Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i drank out of a bidet.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
