I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
