I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
