Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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