I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
