fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
