i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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