yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
