so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
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That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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