You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
