I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
