Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
