my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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