i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
