OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
