I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
