I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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