This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
