I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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