that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Randomize
