I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
