You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
