It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
