a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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