you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
