Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
