you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
