Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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