Your dad touched me again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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