I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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