Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
