His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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