3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize