I hate your face
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
