Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
