i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
