woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
