Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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