i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
