You're my little dorito
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
