He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Randomize
