just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
