I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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