I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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