I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
