take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
