If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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