Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He called his prostate his "boner button".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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