I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize