remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Everything about him screamed your future.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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