and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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