you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
