if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
