the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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