woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
