I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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