Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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