It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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