K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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