____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
