She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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