I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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